My eyes are
ready to see it your way (wholly)
This island,
a floating platform of shit and seeds
In my mind
sprouts the loveliest, leafiest convictions (born)
I can live
with change if it means having your eye
If you throw
me a rope be aware of your footing (soft)
Having
things your way may seem princess perfect
But changing
who I am short circuits Mother Nature’s hard work (digging)
And when I hemorrhage
me, the result could be messy
Just a note
to let you know I’m here for the saving (desperate)
And when you
awaken from your prescribed existence
To see that
control is an illusion conjured from fear (savior)
I would like
to be the one you make due with…..your safety net
oooh truthy goodness here: "when I hemorrhage me, the result could be messy." yes!
ReplyDeleteI love that same line that Marian highlighted. Awesome!
ReplyDeleteMy eyes are ready to see it your way (wholly)" he (?) equivocates, giving her (?) only his eyes as his heart waits for her to accept him wholly and make him her "safety net" when she is ready to make due. Executed brilliantly, with "princess perfect" and "short circuit" and blood and "prescription." Somehow you make me feel more sorry for her because she seems to be blinded by a malevolent reality/fantasy. Wish the speaker could wake her!
ReplyDelete(I do not understand the parenthesis.)
A strong write for Ellen's challenge, Corey. I will see your perspective. Thinking of Susan's comment about parenthesis, I took them as an emphasis technique? And we all would like to be someone's safety net, I think; plus have someone who is ours!
ReplyDeleteYep--that hemorrhaging can need a safety net, if not an ambulance...the layers of this are as leafy and alive as the island of shit and seeds--what a metaphor of supreme tropical exuberance--love it, and also the sense of depth and complexity to the emotions here, the vulnerability and the strength that can accept change. I reckon this to be some fine writing, Corey.
ReplyDeleteThis would be quite the message to find in a bottle! Lots of mysterious layers for me here. Get something slightly different each time i read it. Excellent response to a difficult prompt (I think).
ReplyDeleteAnd when you awaken from your prescribed existence
ReplyDeleteTo see that control is an illusion conjured from fear
So much here to enjoy. But with all the bravado here, me thinks he likes her "princess perfect" ways a bit... I think they both need to give a bit :)
May I add a heartfelt ~ awestruck!
ReplyDeleteI love all the layers, you shared with us! Wow, I had to read it again...
ReplyDeleteyour insight so powerful and it provokes many emotions! Bravo~
Perfect honest message, Hero.
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you used parenthesis...sort of a way of telling what's really going on in deeper layers. Well done, excellent message, Hero!!
ReplyDeleteI guess there is more than one kind of desert island one may find oneself stranded on, in need of a rope or saving.. just got to hope the right person comes along.
ReplyDeleteMy take on this was sometimes two flawed humans can be each other's salvation, if they only acknowledge that need. An intense poem with lots of layers, love this!
ReplyDeleteA way cool message.......I especially love "control is an illusion conjured from fear." That is the truth!
ReplyDelete“I can live with change if it means having your eye.” Love this line which reflects this ironically nuanced message about power.
ReplyDelete"A floating platform of shit and seeds"...well, now I have something for my headstone. The use of the parenthetical asides in nicely and judiciously done.
ReplyDeleteSuch brutal honesty...In this scenario it appears it is justified....control is never pretty. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant...nice work.
ReplyDelete